This weekend I ran seven miles and even though it feels great, I can’t help but feel massively stressed about the looming half marathon. I need to nearly double the longest distance I’ve ever run in the space of 54 days, which is a really scary thought.
It’s not impossible, but I know it’s not going to be easy. Rob and I set up a Just Giving page this weekend, which I know will help motivate me with the training. When you start telling other people, the fear of failure sets in, so you know you’ve just got to try your hardest to succeed. We haven’t set ourselves a time goal, as we’ll be running the course together and the goal for me is to just make it the whole way without stopping.
I suffered with bulimia for over five years. I can’t remember what triggered it or exactly when it started, but I know that I struggled with my appearance for years and at the age of 15 I decided to do something about it. Something that I thought would help did so much damage not only to my body, but to my mind and the people around me who I love dearly.
After four years of secretly making myself sick, I had a break down while my parents were on holiday. Throughout the year leading up to that breakdown, I pushed my parents away and was moody and depressed. I barely went out with friends and when I did, I just felt awkward and constantly worried about what people might be thinking of me.
I called my auntie in desperation, and I haven’t a clue what words I managed to get out, but the next thing I know, it was out in the open and I had a bizarre feeling of being absolutely petrified and so happy, as I didn’t have to hide it anymore. My best friend had known about it for a couple of months prior to that, but I played it down to such an extent and begged her not to tell my parents that she agreed. Although, she never failed to check in on me and print out numerous things from the internet about how I can stop and why I should stop. I can’t thank her enough for being there for me when I felt most alone.
What followed was months of doctors appointments, meetings with psychiatrists, and a two-month long trip to the Priory. I was very fortunate at that time to work for a company of kind people who made me go there and supported me through it all.
We’re all different, and for me the CBT and days of meetings and role plays just weren’t hitting home. After leaving I wasn’t sure I’d ever get better and for a while I didn’t. One day, however, I just woke up and decided that I was so bored of being depressed, so bored of putting my body through hell and decided there and then that, for me, the bulimia had to stop. That won’t happen to us all, other girls I know still struggle from one day to the next and for others the therapy will work wonders.
Obviously it has been a few year since I made that decision and since then I’ve tried every fad diet going. Only since January this year did I start looking more into women with stronger bodies, but at the same time, so lean and beautiful. I decided that I wanted to be more like them and not constantly trying to squeeze into every size 6 pair of jeans I saw.
I had read about James Duigan’s Clean and Lean book, which is now my lifestyle, and I was also very lucky to know Russell Bateman (founder of Skinny Bitch Collective), whose tips and workshop classes have motivation me so much. I also have Rob, my boyfriend, who is the most supportive person in my life and my favourite person to do a workout with. As cheesy as it is, he is a massive inspiration to me and I can’t wait to have him by my side on this run. Without knowing it, these three people inspired me to change my thinking about food and fitness to help me become who I am today… I’m a much, MUCH happier person.
I’m not saying that this is the solution for everyone, but it has worked for me, so maybe it might just inspire one person to make a change in their life to become a happier person. It’s not all plain sailing, I have relapsed once or twice, but I also know where I went wrong and how to change it. When I was younger I was all about being the sport geek, you name the team (other than hockey – I’m crap at it), I was in it and now I’ve finally come full circle to where I am now. Working out, trying new classes and sports and eating well along with it. Despite what a lot of people may think, you need to eat well to enjoy the benefits of good workouts. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the odd cheat treat, but these can also come in the form of yummy raw treats.
This half marathon has given me a goal to work towards and helped me take the love for a fit healthy body to another level.
You can support us on our run by donating to B-eat: uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/catrob